Sunday snow

It snowed today. As my brother and I walked home from church we could see small single snowflakes falling slowly to the ground. It takes about 45 minutes to walk home and when we came home it had started to fall a bit more snow, but still not very much.
I don't want Christmas to come. I have bought one Christmas present and I don't want to go shopping for more. I don't like shopping.
And I would like to celebrate in England with my friends there.
Though the community we were part of meant work six days a week and everyone had to share the load on days like Christmas day and New Years Eve - I still loved it.

I have spent the weekend just sitting home doin' nothin'.
Oh, there was some alcohol... and brownies...
I feel totaly depressed.

I should be happy that I got a job so soon after getting home.
The friend who followed me to Sweden went back to England and the next day I started working. Though I feel like a robot. I go up and drive to work, I work, I come home, I eat dinner, I surf and then Zzz. I am not happy.
I should be happy.
Tomorrow I'm off work since they're on a course so there's nothing for me to do, but I'm gonna work at my Mum's job, because they need people and I've been there before. I should be grateful, and I don't even have to work there, I offered to do so myself. It's just the fact that I am NOT happy...
Whatever I'm doing I am bored.
I read books to flee reality some days.
I'm trying to pray but I feel disconnected with God.

Life seems meaningless.
What am I supposed to do next year?
I have grades good enough to get me into ANY course or program at university, but I don't want to study anything.
I don't want to be in Sweden. I don't want to speak Swedish. I miss English. I miss UK.